||[Sep. 27th, 2004|11:43 pm]
With some luck, the meds will kick in around 12:00 and I will sleep 8 hours. Then, I will hopefully remember to go somewhere before work and study (IHOP, perhaps). I think I can knock out this exam in a week or so...at least well enough to pass it.
I have class all this week (except Friday) and it will keep me out until 9pm or later. This is aggrevating a sore spot with me in two ways. One, I need to spend time with my kids to help with school work. I can't really be helping them when I work 1pm-5pm and have class from 6pm-9pm. I know it is a very temporary thing but it had jumped up right when I was trying to put a lot of energy into addressing it. Secondly, I have no real idea how far I am supposed to go with this all. I know I have medium goals and would be just as happy with the lesser ones so I could get on with any CCxP and CISSP stuff. Despite all that, I am trying to put the kids first.
A few hours at IHOP might help. No work, easy studying, time to think without online temptations or offline white noise...just a few printouts and a woman named Flo bringing me refills.
Ah, and before I continue...the Flo comment made me think of something. In the last three months, two people at my work have handed me the whole "I know some women who and I need to set you up with one of them" line. I didn't fall for it then and I am not falling for it now. In living here...oh, 3 years now, I have met no one. In fact, only two people outside of my department have ever even gone to lunch with me: J (she is (and at the time was) married) and E (she was the only person in verification who, out of the blue, started talking to me and we tend to keep things on a friendly level as a result) and neither are guilty of the aforementioned sin. But none of the members of this purported army of single female known to other female co-workers who decided to either inundate me with empty flattery because I had helped them or felt some desire to make me feel better when I was starting to feel (and maybe act) like Michael Douglas in Falling Down has ever come to life. They appear to be about as real as, well, as Real Dolls (go find your own link, jeez!). In fact, I will make this post public and let people at work know it exists (since there is no work-bashing, WTF do I care, eh?). Christ, just call it what it is: Tell me I am so ugly I couldn't get laid in a whorehouse with cash on nickel night when the girls are all under quota.
To further demonstrate my social retardedness, I have no idea what would be the typical male equivalent to the above scenario. I really don't want to ask anyone because, well, it would be a bit embarrassing. I can't recall ever having been in such a situation in either role (the lonely loser or the, well, other guy). Christ, just call it what it is: Tell me I could be the perpetual wingman if it weren't for the fact I creep women out in a David Berkowitz way and am always one smile away from a VPO filing.
All I really have to go on is the two most recent attempts to get to know someone who I might have had some possibly 'beyond friendship' relationship with. Both were unmitigated disasters...so horrible I can't think of any cheesy analogy to make. And if I can't make bad analogies, I guess I need to turn the rant off and go to bed.