December 31st, 2003


(no subject)

I decided to do a bit of a retrospective of my last year. Be forewarned: don't expect much.

Let's see. The more pleasant things first:

I went back to France and visited some old friends. This was something I had wanted to do for a long time. Various issues kept me from it in the past and there were a few times I was very close to doing it. Overall, the visit was decent. Weather was good (only one day of very light rain) and fairly warm given it was in late March/early April.

I went to the 2003 Networkers conference in L.A. I can't say I really liked L.A. but I didn't see much of it. The conference was good and I passed the test I went there (in part) to take.

I lost about 10 pounds.

Finally attended Comdex (see below).

OK, yeah, that is a short list. Now the less pleasant things:

Failed to find any social life despite volunteering both time and effort to help others look good at work (long story about a fundraising event I will post about some other day and have mentioned in the past). In fact, six months after the fundraiser, I feel there is almost a distinct effort to further push me out of any future involvment with the same fundraiser or general social involvement at work. In addition, I attended a user group in Dallas (since there isn't one in here), the Networkers show, N+I and Comdex and found I have no ability to just 'talk' to people. I am a social retard.

I made little effort to 'move in'. My house still looks like it is either half moved into or moved out of. All I can say is it may be a combination of passive-aggressive behavior and a sheer lack of desire to really live here.

I never made it to Toronto. One of the only friends I have online lives there and I have never visited.

I tried (for a fourth (and final)) time to contact an old co-worker. I was pretty much blown off for trying to return some of their property (this has been posted on LJ). I decided to just tell them how I felt and let them know it wasn't appreciated. Any friendship that might have been there is dead and buried.

I ventured into telling someone I liked and (thought I) was friends with how I felt about them (read: I was interested in a romantic relationship). All I can say about this is a) it is not funny how people can joke and/or comment about being romantically involved with me and when the subject is brought up for real they turn into a jackass about it, and b) it never ceases to amaze me how banal, trivial and unimportant friendships are in some people's eyes. Thanks.

I was told, yet again, by someone either in person or IM that either my a) divorced status, b) single parent status or c) my sometimes surly personality was a basis for me to be considered a) undateable, b) unmarriageable or c) not worth even friendship. It is like a multiple choice test but any answer goes with any other. There is no right or wrong answer. Regardless, I felt like shit for a while. Thanks again.

Comdex sucked (see above). I should have not gone and went to CES instead.
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