December 13th, 2003


(no subject)

Bah...crappy weather, a relatively poor work week and lack of decent sleep is causing me to feel, well, bah!

Two good things happened this week. I was asked to help fix someone's PC at their home and I started exercising again. Why the first was a 'good' thing is this: I didn't get paid for it. I didn't barter for it, even. I just had a chance to leave work and NOT just go home to an empty house and feel like crap. I actually had a 3 hour respite from that routine which involved me having a conversation with someone...all the while helping them out. The exercise thing...well, I needed to do that a few weeks ago but the training out of town threw a wrench in the works. My weight was the same for the most part but winter tends to make me eat more and exercise less (if you can exercise less than zero). So the exercise serves two functions: keep weight level and keep my cholesterol level below the 'you are a huge ball of sentient arterial plaque' level. OK, it isn't that bad.

In other news, I basically told off someone who does the 'one-response' crap with me. One-response is the deal where I sent an email, they respond (usually with a few 'how is/are ____' questions) in a short email, I answer the questions and ask how they are in a longer email and I get blown off. It is ok once or twice but when it is EVERY TIME, it pisses me off. Here was what transpired: I sent an email outlining how I found a folder with some of their personal items in it to an old co-worker. I guess it was put in a box by mistake and moved with me. I detailed how I wanted her parent's address so I could mail it to her since, after all, they were her personal items. I received the response with the address and a 'how are things? How are you? How is the family' email. I responded by answering the 'how are you, etc.' questions and indicating I would mail the package that week and call to make sure it arrived, etc. I also asked the 'how have things been, etc' questions I felt obligated to return. My response: silence. I waited over a week and still nothing. This is the fourth time in 2 years this has happened with this person.

I mailed the items and sent back an email stating that it seemed to me since she had repeatedly followed a pattern of not responding to subsequent emails I sent to her, she had little interested in keeping in touch with me so I would call her parents to make sure the package arrived and I hoped things went well for her in her life. No response (which was no surprise) and I guess can walk away with some sense of moral accomplishment that I didn't do what some people might and destroy/throw away her things (I did mail them and they did arrive) but, to be honest, I am still a bit irate about it. This was someone I knew for over 4 years and suddenly...nothing. It is not difficult to send an email. Maybe I was just pissed off for believing the whole "you're a cool person and I think we will always be friends" bit. Maybe I am pissed off because it is the same personal rejection I get so often that I really don't think I deserve.

That brings me to another issue. I went to the Comdex (read: crapdex) show in Las Vegas in November (for those who I suspect don't care, that was the week of my birthday which I had guessed only four people would remember. I was wrong, only five did (including co-workers)...but I digress) and, as part of the time there, I visited another friend. Now, given my demeanor was not the greatest (I am not a big birthday person...I tend to run off and hide (like I did this year in Las Vegas)) partly because of the events at the time and partly because it was not turning out to be a good week (bad trade show, etc) I would have ranked my demeanor as 'OK' for the most part. Well, that person has also done the disappearing act. Perhaps I was gullible and believed the 'I really think you're a cool person and want to be friends' bit but this situation has also annoyed me. I have not addressed it because one of the voices in my head says 'let it die' (one of the other ones just laughs at me) but it has also been a thorn in my side for the last few weeks. I know it shouldn't be but it just hangs in the back of my head and ambushes me when I try to relax (driving, trying to sleep, etc).

Where am I going with this? The week of November 24th I was pissed off, almost homicidally, and really to do a series of rash things such as walk out of work, move suddenly to somewhere...anywhere, crawl into a hole in the wall and die, etc. but I seem to feel better. And, oddly enough, I think it has less to do with exercise than it does with just having a few hours to talk to someone and have them talk back. And I think it is kind of shameful I have such a hard time finding a little bit of social interaction. Perhaps this is just a part of a personal hell right out of Erich Fromm's theories.
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