June 27th, 2003


(no subject)

I am totally confused at this point.

I started last week wanting a few things of seemingly relative little importance (and, in my opinion, high improbability) to happen. Now, I feel like events am in fifth gear. If this keeps up, I can go to a user group meeting out of town on the 2nd, buy some lotto tickets and likely hit at least 5 of 6.

Work has been absolutely hellish this week. I really want to take tomorrow off but I know there are some change control issues that really require I be there...so I will go. I have been getting almost no sleep all week until last night when I pretty much caught up with a 13 hour marathon that was partly Ambien-induced and greatly dulling the next day. I have not been able to think clearly until about now...and that claim is questionable now.

On the way home, halfway hoping I had someone to call who would answer, I get a call out of nowhere from someone unexpected but it did a lot to elevate my mood. Most people might think that is a weird statement but let me clarify: almost no one calls me - on my cell or otherwise. In fact, if you IM me on Yahoo, MSN, AIM or ICQ, most of the time I have an away message that lists my cell number (and tells people I am likely at IHOP and likely staring at the girl (Amber) who works there I have some interest in because...well, I have no spine or life)...but I digress. So the fact someone calls me is a highly welcome respite to the boredom I often suffer. Even someone IMing me provides more mood elevation than a Prozac/MDMA suppository delivered by Mira Sorvino in a nurse outfit...well, almost. Some might say I should drop the constant away status on Yahoo/MSN/AIM/ICQ, and they would likely be right, but it has never had a major impact on the rate of incoming IMs when I set myself to 'online'. Maybe I bore people to hell, I don't know. This week, I was invited, so to speak, to a work-related event. It was more of an invitation to be part of the group that I had (limitedly) participated in to raise donations and less of an invitation to the event since the event was open to the public and employees were obviously encourage to go. I received an interesting (and rare) email from a friend that night and it boosted my mood enough to really want to brave the expected crowd and overcome my anxiety of groups of people and having to struggle to socialize in them. That was all good, I suppose but I suspect some people thought I was still being a bit anti-social. It wasn't that...it was just an uncomfortable situation that I felt somewhat more able to cope with than I normally would as a result of other circumstance that night.

So, where am I going with this? Hell, I don't know. My brain is still frazzled from the Ambien, I guess. Maybe I just want to ward off the potential negative impact last Friday/Early Saturday's appearance might have/have had. Maybe I should listen to more George Clinton and be more calm about things going on around me. Maybe I want this chain of good things to continue. Maybe I want to have a decent month or so in order to convince myself the crappy stuff that had happen in my life over the last 10 year might seem to start to change into at least a more neutral chain of events. Maybe I just want to pass this damned test I can't get motivated to study for. Maybe I wish I could call all my friends I've lost over time and tell them 'hi' so I could feel like I still have friends.

Of course, pigs might fly out my butt wearing rollerskates and perform Starlight Express in my pod at work, too.

Maybe I just should acquiesce and go to IHOP for the rest of a sleepless night.

Give me a call, anyone? Hello?
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