The last two days at work have been, well, dumb. Yesterday, I have a SQL database to restore that wasn't restoring last week. I get the restore process working and restore it to a SQL 2k box and the SQL server can't complete the restore. Seemed obvious to me there was an error with the sa password so I ask the user of that system (it was a test system) to change the sa password and I go to again restore the database...and Veritas (and the DLT drive) start giving me crap. I ended up having to reboot a server AT 6PM! What crap. Well, the database did get restored and the changed sa password (that matched the server sa password from which the database had been backed up from originally) allowed for a full restore/attach of the database by SQL. Keep in mind I know squat about SQL - language or server. But it was one of those days where crap was just TRYING to go wrong.
Today, network was down and the admins who manage the part that was down seemed totally unconcerned we were down. Had I had a crowbar, I would have been torn between prying their heads out of their asses or just smashing them in the head and ending my misery. Once the network was up, it kept acting odd - dropping http traffic randomly and then they all the sudden it would work...just http, not anything else.
I did manage to get the trust relationship working between an NT domain and a Win2k AD network. At least one thing was accomplished.
Today, during the wonderful Clockwork Orange-esque sequence in which I wanted to commit homicide in regard to useless network admins, it was announced over the intercom there was cake in the break-room to celebrate the November birthdays.
My birthday is in November and I was listed on the email that went out earlier this month but, in all honesty, I did not feel like going into the break room for any reason - birthday or otherwise. Not that I dislike cake, I dislike crowds. And, I do not entirely feel comfortable in my workplace or, should I say, with some of the people I work with. Some co-workers (no names mentioned here) I feel are horribly judgmental and use that to overtly act in harmful ways toward others in that work environment. To make an analogy, if I were to mention names (and perhaps post pics) to this post and email everyone at work a link to this, I would be essentially doing the same thing and would be engaging in a bit of hypocrisy as well, but I digress.
I was just struck by an odd sense of discomfort and, later, a sense of how odd it is that I feel that way. Truth be told, I do not like to even let people see me eat. I had a co-worker go to lunch with me once (actually, it was two co-workers) and I was nervous eating at the restaurant with them. What made it more strange and uncomfortable was the fact there was another group of workers at the next table over.
I still have no idea how to create a social group or outlet at work. This perpetuates that nagging desire for me to find other work but I suspect, sadly, in this city nothing will be different anywhere else I go.
Hmm...I dunno if I would agree with this or not. I definitely do not think of myself as management material (note next to last paragraph). Most of the rest seems about right given what I know or what others tell me.
You are feeling exhausted, worn out, drained. You feel that far too much is being asked of you but you still want to overcome these difficulties and establish yourself despite the effect such an effort seems to have on you. You are a proud person, assertive most of the time, but at this particular moment you are acting as if you have become resigned to the situation. What you need is some tender loving care - a gentle pat on the head (or maybe a 'kick-up-the backside') and then you'll be raring to go.
You are a very warm and emotional individual but unfortunately in the past too many people have taken advantage of this sensitive trait. You need aesthetic surroundings, or an equally sensitive and understanding partner with whom to share a warm understanding.
At times all of us would like to be like the ostrich - to be able to bury our heads in the sand and let the rest of the world go by, but unfortunately you can't do just that - you have to face up to reality. A little peace and quiet would be most acceptable at this time but if only one could turn a blind eye to the problems of the day! Tomorrow is another day and who knows, it could be 'today' (not tomorrow) that could be the first day of the rest of your life!
Setback after setback has resulted in considerable stress and now you have got to the stage where you are continuously on your guard, not only to protect yourself from others but to protect yourself from yourself. It would seem that many of your unfulfilled hopes and dreams have led to uncertainty and suspicion. You no longer wish to answer to others and you are insisting on freedom of thought. You feel that you are fully self-sufficient and can control your own destiny. You are seeking ways to protect yourself from further loss of prestige and against further setbacks. You have become very dependent and you doubt that matters could possibly get any better in the immediate future and this negative attitude is leading you to exaggerate your claims and to refuse reasonable compromise.
You are trying to build up your own position and you resist all external influences. You insist that you are your own person and you will not tolerate any outside interference. Decisive and proud, you are true managerial material.
You need to be respected as an exceptional individual. This is the only way that you can hope to achieve the status that you wish to achieve. You set yourself very high standards - and come what may - you abide by them.