||[Nov. 13th, 2002|01:38 am]
Not the music group, cake as in birthday.
Today, during the wonderful Clockwork Orange-esque sequence in which I wanted to commit homicide in regard to useless network admins, it was announced over the intercom there was cake in the break-room to celebrate the November birthdays.
My birthday is in November and I was listed on the email that went out earlier this month but, in all honesty, I did not feel like going into the break room for any reason - birthday or otherwise. Not that I dislike cake, I dislike crowds. And, I do not entirely feel comfortable in my workplace or, should I say, with some of the people I work with. Some co-workers (no names mentioned here) I feel are horribly judgmental and use that to overtly act in harmful ways toward others in that work environment. To make an analogy, if I were to mention names (and perhaps post pics) to this post and email everyone at work a link to this, I would be essentially doing the same thing and would be engaging in a bit of hypocrisy as well, but I digress.
I was just struck by an odd sense of discomfort and, later, a sense of how odd it is that I feel that way. Truth be told, I do not like to even let people see me eat. I had a co-worker go to lunch with me once (actually, it was two co-workers) and I was nervous eating at the restaurant with them. What made it more strange and uncomfortable was the fact there was another group of workers at the next table over.
I still have no idea how to create a social group or outlet at work. This perpetuates that nagging desire for me to find other work but I suspect, sadly, in this city nothing will be different anywhere else I go.